Final post

YAY!
Today is the final day of the 2 month blog marathon. Finally after 60..well 61 to be precise, SIXTY ONE loooong days, I can rest easy because now I don't "have" to post on a daily basis.

Hmm...well its not that I can't.
See here's the thing.

First month, it was hilarious. Fun to write. Specially considering that I was rarely writing anything meaningful in the past year. Blogging in june continuously got my groove back. By mid july, I was pretty much back with my witty humor...which means that now I was noticing things again, daily stuff which people do. I could make a small drabble about being in an elevator sound funny. Hurray!

Alas, I still had to continue blogging. That really doesn't work out when you don't have a thing to write. Hence the frequent "hershey says" and the nonsensical updates. Am a little embarrassed to say that I even posted a couple of email forwards and internet jokes during the time.

Anyway, am not going to write much today because...well...its the last day and I literally have nothing to write. Plus I am feeling damn lazy. Do you know how long I have kept this posting page open? Do you even know?
I started writing this at 9.45pm...its now 5am. That is WAYYYY too long.

I just write a couple of sentences, delete them, write some more, click on that backspace button, see a cockroack in my room, freak out , look for bugspray and can't find it...sadly realizing that its all finished, so as a desperate attempt use my deo..which ironically flips the cockroach over on to its back and I quickly get a book and send the cockroach flying out my door and down the steps where my neighbor will probably step on it in the morning and he doesn't wear slippers.

Actually, its almost time for him to wake up and go down to the kitchen for his tea. He is one of those early birds...today he shall feast on squished cockroach instead of worms. Muahahaha.


Funny thing happened today. This is why I like the girl. She can be utterly silly sometimes. I get such cases of temporary insanity too btw, but they are rarely in sync.

I was eating almonds today...badaam. She called me a bad mango...which obviously confused me. Then she explained...arey..mango...aam.. bad"aam".

Oh dear god that is just way toooo silly. And its really hard for me to admit that I actually grinned at that little pun. You can't hide a grin when you are on webcam.


Alright, enough now. Time to leave.
Tomorrow its going to be a nice day...and, well I guess I will see you guys in a while. Will try my best to write at least thrice a week. That should be enough.

See ya.

And thank you for making me continue writing.

Shaving mishaps.

Too upset to write.

I was a little sleepy while shaving tonight. Yea, I shave at nights ok, can we move along to my boo-boo.

I use an electric razor... for 2 reasons.
1. Convenience
2. Electric razors leave a stubble if you desire it. You can just set the razor limits. 1 is lowest, cleanest stubble. 9 is..well...9 doesn't do anything to the face unless you have a beard that touches your chest.

Now I have heard this thing...if you keep shaving with an electric razor frequently, the skin area will become dark. Well, so far, I consider that a rumor...besides, I shave like...once in 20 days. HEY! I can't help it if my facial hair doesn't grow fast ok!

Anway, I use a level setting 1 for sideburns and jaw area. Level 2 for chin and Level 3 for moustache.

Trust me when I say this...level 1..its like fine sandpaper. Level two leaves a visible stubble...consider it like a 2-day stubble.

The boo-boo I made is..well..mustache got shaved at the wrong level...and now my upper lip is clearly visible. I am horrified! Aghast! Shocked!
I could watch myself in the mirror making this blunder...half dazed, I moved from my chin to my mustache, without changing the setting.

My brain sent a distress signal immediately to stop my hand from moving, but it was too late.

BUZZZZZZ

Right mustache was shaved off... a little bit smaller than my usual limit. Eyes widened in shock, and I let out a scream!

Sigh. I had no choice. Can't be a freakshow, having just one side trimmed now can I. So, with much suffering, I trimmed the other side too.
My upper lip is clearly visible.

I look younger...and innocent.

Agreed, when I had a thicker mustache, I looked older, which I hated...but at least I was looking evil and naughty. A no-nonsense type of guy. Now I look...silly.


Ironically, my girl likes it...loves it in fact.
Well...now that I think about it... its not THAT bad. The innocent look, might work for a while.
After all, the way I think about it, I see benefits...

1. The girl likes it, so more kisses for me.
2. I look innocent, good disguise.
3. Looking younger a little too.
4. Girl likes it...more kisses for me...I say it again because its very important.


Lets see how long I keep this look.
Last post tomorrow. Finally. Two whole months of daily blogging shall end.

Just another update

So yet another work week ends for me. Sometimes its fun to have college just three days a week. Provided you don't get bored the remaining four days.

Have a lot of stuff to do this week too, and hopefully something will get checked off my "to-do" list this time. To sum it up, gotta finish making a rough 3d model of the character, try learning actionscript for flash, prepare the script for my documentary, upload photos on stock sites, and miscellaneous stuff that I can't recall right now.


Before I forget, there is a question that's been nagging me...something I must ask the readers. See, its nearing the end of the month now....which will mark the end of blogging once a day, everyday for the past two months. The question is...should I continue blogging on a daily basis for August too or cut back a little?
Because, lets face it...there are days when I have nothing to talk about and I end up using a "Hershey says" as an escape route...or shameless post email forwards. Or worse, give you "updates" :P

But I am up for the task for yet another month, if the readers don't mind. Do let me know.

Apart from that, I deleted Dragonica. Uninstalled it. Certain games aren't meant to be played when you are running a tight schedule. I rather finish my work first.

I have also realized, yet again, just how lucky I am to have my girl. If it weren't for her, I would have missed today's class too. Overslept today also. Barely managed to reach college. I sort of had to forfeit bathing, and just grabbed a shirt and jeans, wore them, sprayed myself heavily with deo and ran. Oh stop "ewww"ing. This isn't the first time I have been through this.
Besides, the reason why I didn't just ignore her wake up messages and calls is because if I bunk more than 2 lectures, I fail instantly. Stupid foreign student rules.

Anyway, I am really realllllly thankful to have a girl who keeps a note of my timetable even though she stays 2 and a half hours before my timezone.
I know you are reading this sweetie, thanks for being there. I appreciate it.


In other news, I finally took a closer look at the pictures of the fireworks I shot at the National Day Parade rehearsal. Considering this is the first time I captured firework shots, am really impressed with myself. The pics I am seeing...they represent nothing as to what I saw with my own eyes. Slow shutter speeds really capture unique light trails.

The fireworks reminded me of small galaxies.
Will be uploading the pictures on facebook and flickr shortly.


Until then, see ya people.
And don't forget to leave your thoughts on whether I should continue writing on a daily basis for another month or give it a rest already.

Stress management

Here is a stress management technique recommended in all the latest psychological texts:

Picture yourself near a stream.
Birds are softly chirping in the crisp, cool, mountain air.
No one knows your secret place.
You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called "the world".
The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
The water is clear.
You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under the water...

There now.....

feeling better?


*too tired to write anything..found this on the internet. Quite funny.

A case of the zzz

Sleeping. A state where your body shuts down everything except the vital functions and you go off into dreamworld where your subconscious conjures up the most oddest of fantasies.

I love to sleep. I usually start my day in snooze mode, which lasts till noon. Its fun to have late afternoon college. Though, sleeping in class turns out problematic at times. There have been such moments where I am playing games and I am sooo close to become a level 21 gladiator that I play through the morning(my snooze time) and alas, have to go straight to class.
There I am dozing off mid-lecture, and when the professor calls out my name..all I can say is, "shh, I am a level 21 gladiator now. I need my rest to kill the Tutu and get his helmet"

True story. Am playing Dragonica :P

First, let us ask what causes sleep?
The Ventrolateral Preoptic Area produces Neurotransmitters that inhibit the parts of our brain(midbrain) that cause wakefulness.

To put it simply, VPAN causes sleep. The problem occurs when you struggle to stay awake. Your brain can't fight the VPAN. It tries its best, but VPAN is strong...its like a Juggernaut. Nothing stops a Juggernaut. I can sense that you are losing the thought process here.

Lets start over. Have you ever been in a situation where you are blinking your eyes once every five or ten minutes. Where you wish you could do it often, but once those eyelids shut, they remain shut until you suddenly snap back up.
Yea, that is the constant struggle between your brain and VPAN. Its like a war between good and evil.

It reaches a point where the VPAN says, "Fuck it, I am putting this body to sleep. So what if its in class. I don't care if it snores in public. Sleep means sleep. I am so evil!"
The brain tries its best to intervene, " Halt. Who goes there. Thou reeks of evil chemicals that put a man into slumber. Thou shalt not pass"

VPAN just laughs maniacally and says, "Bring it on, little brain"

And it happens, you go into a semi-sleep state where you exhibit strange behavior that I shall mention now...
I hate it when it happens to me, but its fun if you see it happening to your classmates :P

1. The Jolter
Everyone has seen the "Jolter" sleeper at some point in their life. Its the most common type of sleeper. They have a very weak brain. As soon as the VPAN attacks, their body begins to lose muscle control. They start slouching a little until they hunch forward, kinda looks like an awkward fetal position. And then suddenly, maybe they heard a noise or someone called out their name, or the brain is desperately trying to shake VPAN off...regardless, the relaxed muscles tingle with electricity and they jolt straight up, body giving an awkward jerk and the person makes a very weird snorting sound.
Sometimes it looks like they just came out of an exorcism. Just awaken with a lot of grunting noises and stupid questions, "where am I, who am I, what class is this, am I taking this subject?"

2. The Construction company.
This sleeper is named according to the sounds he makes. His snoring can not only wake up the dead, but actually make the corpses wish their ears would be the first to deteriorate. This is not only embarrassing but also dangerous in class, because there is nothing like a loud snore that will attract a professor towards you.
The best part of this type though...its amusing to see them get caught.
Mind you, there are sub-types here. Snoring comes in various categories.

Light snoring. A soft gentle hum, but audible enough for the professor's ears.
Whistling Dixie. A snore with a nose whistle.
Beethoven's sonata. A snore which begins light and gets louder and stronger with time.
Electric drill/hammer. You would think that the building next door is being torn apart.


3. Jaws
Aptly named after the movie, this type of sleeper doesn't lose muscle control of his body, just his jaw. Its like they are dreaming of a dentist and saying "aaah". But still much much worse. For one thing, the jaw opens a lot wider than the usual limit. You have never seen the guy's mouth expand to such an extent. Drooling doesn't help either. Though it is hilarious to witness such a sight. Thank god for cellphones with cameras :)
Also, in a boring class, such a person contributes to entertaining the class by participating in a game of "who manages to land the crumpled ball of paper in the moron's jaw"

4. The Conversationalist
I fall in this category. A sleep talker. I have said many odd phrases in my life. Many people fall in this category too. At some point everyone has blurted out oddities while being in a semi-sleep state. It can be funny, but at some point it could be dangerous too... sometimes its similar to being drunk. You don't really have control of what you are saying. No telling when you may tell one of your classmates exactly how much their work really sucks.
Early afternoon today, I had slept on the sofa outside my classroom, yes we have a sofa. One of my classmates got me a root beer, apparently before dozing off, I told him to get one can for me.
He woke me up, "oy, get up. I got you the R-B"
I replied, half dazed, "Now is not the time for beer. I have to kill the Tutu"

Face it, sleeptalking is fun. I wonder if my girl is a sleep talker. Basically the only way to find out is talk with them when they sleep. They ought to respond at some point. :P

5. The Zombie
This sleeper dozes off with his eyes open. Rare but I have seen 2 people from my school and high school days who would do this. They aren't daydreaming. In day dreaming, when someone calls your name, you blink a lot and say, "sorry, I was lost in thought". You don't say "Oh, sorry, I must have fallen asleep"
These guys just sit in class, eyes open, a very surprised expression on their face, but in their head, they are fast asleep, dreaming of pink pillows and other oddities.


I am sure there are many more types, but I can only think of these 5 for now.
Well, enough of this now. Its already late. Tomorrow is a busy day. I better catch some sleep or else its going to be a tiresome day tomorrow too.

GIJOE

I just found out that there is a GIJOE movie coming soon...yea yea everyone else probably knows about this already. Regardless, there is a GIJOE MOVIE coming soon.

To say I am excited is an understatement.
I loved GIJOE. As a kid, I used to wake up religiously at 7.00am sharp to watch the cartoons. Did a little check on this movie and yea...they do have Snake eyes in the flick. Perfect. That's all I need as incentive to go watch this.

Come on, you have to admit...snake eyes is the ONLY cool GIJOE amongst the guys. A mysterious soldier, constantly shown wearing a mask, never speaks, owns a pet wolf, and is a martial artist. Can't get any better than that.

I do have some concern about the movie though...



See, I have watched Superman, Batman, the Hulk, Spiderman, Xmen etc...almost all DC or Marvel related movies.
Apart from Spiderman and Xmen, each of them sucked. Big time.

Spiderman was cool because the storyline was perfect, and the spiderman costume was fantastic.
Xmen worked because of Hugh Jackman's portrayal of Wolverine. Period.

Hulk was...uhhh...dull.
Batman, good but the costume isn't nice at all. Quite boring. Lacks the "dark knight" character.
Superman...people, for godsakes, superman is well built. He has a body of a heavyweight superstar. Bulked up with muscle. He cannot be portrayed with an actor who is lean and who looks like a pansy.

Basically it evens out to this : Movies based on cartoons are rarely fun.

I don't want to watch this movie if its going to make me annoyed like hell. I was literally screaming in anger when I saw the last Superman movie. Its not nice to mess with my comic book idols.

GIJOE....the trailer sure looks promising. But...then again...even the transformers looked promising. Turned out to be just good graphics and an absurdly expensive way to eat popcorn for 2 hours.

I can't believe though that they made a GIJOE movie... wonder what's next. I know what's in my wishlist.
1. Thundercats.
2. He-man.
3. Ninja Robots(try something better than Transformers)

Lets see these 3 for now..will give the rest later. And for godsakes, lets keep He-man strong and bulky. I don't want a pansy He-man.
That last He-man movie wasn't bad. The guy who portrayed him was quite ok. Someone similar with a better storyline now would be great.

Wasting hours

I have recently found out that most of my day is wasted on the internet....and what do I do about it? I publish this new-found fact on my blog. Talk about irony.

This is like the time where I wanted that girl who was arguing with her boyfriend in public, to slap him hard on the face, just so I can get a good photograph. Well...maybe not exactly the same comparison but you get the idea.


It was supposed to be a busy weekend. So far, I have just one day left...Sunday, and my to-do list is untouched since Thursday. Not a good thing.
I blame it on games. Should never have installed this "Dragonica". Its addictive. I am so close to turning my warrior into a gladiator.

As if spending hours on the game wasn't enough, the remainder of my time goes browsing on the web, surfing youtube for stand-up comedy skits, or reading comics.

Tomorrow is going to be hell. Have to prepare a rough idea for a documentary, and have to start modeling my character in Maya. Sounds easy, if I wasn't lazy. But alas... I can think of so many things I can do other than work.
1. Sleep
2. Play
3. Eat.
4. Read comics...until you fall asleep.
5. Go get a massage...and fall asleep on their table.

...and so on.

Its just one of those dull days where you just wish for Monday to begin so at least you will get our of the house and do something worthwhile. Oddly, by wednesday I begin wishing for a long long vacation.

I need to find something interesting...and productive.

Tired

Not feeling well today.

Been dozing on and off throughout the day. So much work pending, and I can't do a thing about it because the moment I raise my head up from the pillow, the world begins to swirl around me.
I am just assuming these are side effects of lack of sleep and extreme tiredness...the alternative(being sick) isn't good.

Tomorrow is the National Day Parade here..I think. God knows, but there is going to be a fireworks display tomorrow. Hopefully I can make it.

Keeping this post short...can't bear keeping my eyes open. The light is giving me a headache.

Hershey says # 7

Hershey says, "One of the best ways to beat stress and high blood pressure is to keep pressing Ctrl +S every 5 minutes while typing your projects out."

Honestly. It helps a lot. I should know because...well there was a time when I had written a 20 page project report on nanotechnology. It was beautiful...and then the power went out. Screams echoed throughout the house and the table was pounded by heavy fists, followed by a volley of swear words.

So remember kids, when writing something...press Ctrl + S every 5 minutes or less

Laughter is the best medicine.

Its true. Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?

I am a big joker fan. Have been wanting to do this photo-manipulation for a long long time. Ever since I did my last one actually. You can see that one here : Good and evil
Its too bad I don't have the patience right now to do it correctly. Made this transformation in under 3 minutes....so the coloring is a little off. But its ok...looks good when minimized.

I have always loved the joker, he is my favorite villain from the Batman series. For the simple reason that he is insane but still a genius in own right. Jack Nicholson had played the joker in the 1989 Batman movie. Now I know that some people might think that the new joker, Heath Ledger, of the more recent batman movie was better, but seriously...he wasn't.

Fine, he played a good psychotic villain. But he didn't capture the joker's essence. The persona of the joker portrayed in comic books. Heath Ledger's version of the joker was more...disturbed murderer than psychotic genius. Plus, the whole concept of his lips being cut by his father...ehhh? That's not how it goes in the comics. Stick to the original story. You can't go changing comic book backgrounds like that. In the story, he is a scientist looking to steal from the company that employs him and adopts the persona of Red Hood. After committing the theft, which Batman thwarts, he falls into a vat of chemical waste. He emerges with bleached white skin, red lips, green hair and a permanent grin.

Geez.

Anyway, Jack Nicholson made the perfect joker. He even looked scary for god sakes...Heath Ledger's persona looked more like a homeless person.

But regardless, the comic book joker wins the prize. Such a dastardly little fellow.
Come on...who wouldn't love him, with all his crazy arsenal. The deck of razor-sharp playing cards, an acid-spewing flower, cyanide pies, exploding cigars filled with nitroglycerin, harpoon guns that utilize razor-sharp BANG!-flags, and a lethally electric joy buzzer...that and his famous evil laugh, which can be used in many different forms e.g being ominous, intimidating and frightening or gleeful and wild.

I wonder who is your favorite villain from the batman series...Mind sharing?



"Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away... forever." -The joker, from Batman: The Killing Joke.

Cupcakes

Today in Starbucks, I saw a cupcake. Lots and lots of cupcakes.

I go to Starbucks every tired afternoon before my class...which means, every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. The gal behind the counter sees me approaching and she just begins making my lovely potion.

She can tell what I crave just by looking at my face.

Bloodshot eyes, frowning eyebrows and pursed lips with a slight scowl means, "Need hot chocolate. Grande size. NOW!"
Sleepy eyes, no frown, yawning continuously...that means " Cappuccino."
And relaxed eyes, smiling face means, "Iced white chocolate mocha." If there is a twinkle in the eyes and the smile is a one curl grin, usually there is a cookie or a piece of raspberry cheesecake involved.

But have been trying to control my weight recently. So the grin never came. I bet they noticed this. They saw that my eyes don't have that twinkle...it was bad for their business. So day, when I went...there was something new in the pastry area. Cupcakes.

I just stared at them.

She eventually asked, "do you want to try our new cherry cupcakes?"

Eyes....twinkled...lips...one sided curl...grinning.... " YES! I want cupcakes. I want cupcakes!"

So off I went with my white chocolate mocha in one hand, and 1 cupcake in another hand, eating it while walking towards college. Two more cupcakes kept in my bag.


Sigh...


Had told myself, no sweets,
then Seasonal Cherry came.
pink, creamy, rich, tasty - chomp
not a crumb in sight.
Now my waistline grows....

Sleep deprived

I hate this place.

I have idiot professors who keep the classes at the most horrific hours in the afternoon and evening.

Monday is the worst. My schedule is from 2-10. Two class...first one lasts from 2pm to 6pm..and the other 6.30pm to 10pm.
You know what I call that kind of schedule? Wanna know?


I call it a LIE!


Class starts at 2pm..finishes by 5. Fine. We love being left early.
But then the bloody little piece of turd that is my second professor, comes at 7.30. Normally I wouldn't care. Fine. Even last semester we had one of these types. I can surf the internet for 2 and a half hours...no big deal.

But this little prick leaves us at 10.30..or much more late.

See, here is the thing...I GET HUNGRY! There are no breaks. There is no dinner. When am I supposed to eat... I want to eat.
His constant droning doesn't help either.

The way he teaches...geez...it seems like he is talking to himself. He modeled a foot today. We have no idea what the fuck he was doing. He just kept blathering out vague instructions, "you extrude this, add that, curve this here, blah blah blah...". On and on for almost an hour with 1/3 of the class playing games on the pc, 1/3 of the class dozing off or chatting online, and the remaining 1/3 listened.

...
But wait... the "remaining" 1/3 are the ones who can barely speak english, let alone understand it.

It had reached a point where I didn't feel like hitting the professor...no no no...hitting is too simple a punishment. I felt like taking that irritating little blue water bottle of his, into the bathroom with me, pur the contents out and replace it with toilet water.


Today also I got no sleep...
why?

Because I am too fricking hungry to sleep and too damn tired to cook something. ICECREAM doesn't HELP! To make matters worse, I just sat in bed..thinking of stuff. The usual stuff. Though I got a little carried away this time, because I noticed my room getting brighter...and I looked outside, and the sky was no longer black(or red..we have reddish black here usually), no...it was nice indigo blue.

Then I looked at my watch...and I realized how truly screwed I am today. 7am... 7 fricking A.M.
I have class in 7 hours.

Considering that the average sleeping period for hershey is 8 hours... oh yea..I am very very screwed. But wait..there's more. Come on..this is a horrible week, it can't end that easily.

7 hours for class doesn't mean I can sleep for..say..6 hours, considering it takes an hour for me to get ready and scoot.
Class starts after 7 hours. But before that, I have to go to the library, and give back the books that I was supposed to give on july 8th...then I have to pay the fine...and then.. I have to buy a calling card so I can call the girl, and this time, if that idiot seller doesn't have my card, I am taking those spectacles of his and throwing them in the gutter.

It just ticks me off to see his smile whenever he notices me approaching. "ahhh I know you, my biggest customer..same 5 card today also?"

Bleh.

Anyway,
1 hour in the library, 1 hour to get ready...that makes it...5 hours left...


Luckily the class is only till 6pm today. I am running on a very short fuse today...and I am very much going to snap at anyone who wishes me a good afternoon in class today. It won't be a witty retort, it won't be a sarcastic comment, there won't be any flipping of the middle fingers... nope. Not today. Today I will grab them by their collar and throttle them until they realize that when they see that my eyes are bloodshot red, and I have an omega sized coffee cup in my hand..it is NOT A GOOD AFTERNOON.


I detest mondays.


Sentences may have been incorrectly phrased due to extreme agitated behavior and lack of sleep.

Hershey says # 6

Hershey says, "I am not lazy...I conserve my energy for when its truly required."



Certain situations demand high consumption of energy...such as getting out of bed. Do you even know how much energy you consume to open your eyes, move your hands, lift yourself up and get out of bed? A LOT!

You have to conserve energy if you want to do that. Meaning, to get out of bed, you need to sleep. So the next time your alarm rings, do remember that if you want to go to work and get out of bed, hit the snooze button and take a 10 minute power nap to boost your energy...do that 5-7 times at least.

A contest entry

Nothing much to say today, except that I submitted this entry in a nice little contest...the theme was "couples".
Had taken this pic of the two white tigers in the Singapore zoo. I wonder if they realize that they are siblings. Ah well, ignorance is bliss.

Hershey says # 5

Hershey says, "The need to achieve something will overcome the fear, temporarily at least"

For example. I hate bugs, I am scared of bugs. I love taking bug photos. I went into the most horrid nature reserve, might as well be a rainforest...filled with jumping spiders, moths, caterpillars, big spiders, small spiders, cockroaches(jungle variety), tree hoppers, leaf hoppers, crickets, and scorpions... why? To take photos. There I am calm. There I will use a leaf to nudge the spider so it faces me while I take a shot.
But after the trip is over and when I come out...a cold shiver is felt down my spine.


Hate spiders. But they have lovely photogenic eyes. Specially the telamonia

Giggle away

Found these online... worth a laugh.

1.
A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7-year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time. Just he and his Granddaughter.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her grandfather. “Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?” “Oh yes, ” the girl replied, “and do you know what? We didn’t see a single dumb bastard or lousy shit head anywhere we went today!”


2.
A little boy goes to his father and asks ‘Daddy, how was I born?’

The father answers, ‘Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I fell for each other at first site in a chat room on yahoo after she was googling me.

I set up a date via e-mail and met with Mom at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a fire wall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little pop-up appeared that said:

You've Got Male

3. I think I know where I got my inspiration to write such odd answers as I explained in the post Exam capers. It was mostly from these....

Speed dating

A friend of mine was asking me to join him for a speed dating session tonight. I declined, and then explained to him that speed dating is a ridiculous idea.
What do you expect to get over there anyway.

Girl: Hi.
Guy: Hi.
Girl blinks, he smiles.
End of date.

Sure there are few more sentences said over there, but that doesn't really help. I tried to explain to him that speed dating is probably the least reliable way to hook up. You rather go up to a woman, be honest, tell her you like her and you wish to take her out for coffee sometime. I even gave him one of my old lines... "Hi, My name is, say your name here now ok(coz he needs to be told that), and I find you very attractive. I would be thrilled if you can join me for a scoop of ice cream later. Sounds like a nice idea?"

Ice cream...usually more effective than coffee. For one thing, its at least a little original. Something different from the usual, "ay, I wanna take you to starbucks" story.

But he insisted on trying out speed dating. So I told him another story, hoping maybe this will convince him.

Two strangers, meeting for the first time, at the speed dating session.(Have changed certain english phrases and names into hindi, for my readers here. Sounds funnier in hindi. )
Girl: Hi
Guy: Hi
(five minutes of corny pick up lines and slapstick jokes)
Guy: I love you.
Girl: I love you too. We are soulmates now.

Confetti being blown everywhere as the host comes and announces "tumhaari jodi salamat rahe"

Next night. Dinner date. Amidst all the conversation between the two.
Guy : Hey, I forgot to ask, whats your name?
Girl(giggling) : My name is Pooja Sharma
Guy(smiling) : Oh what a coincidence, we share the same last name. I am Ramesh Sharma.
(five more minutes of mushy stuff and slapstick jokes)
He: I should meet your parents. By the way, what are their names?
She: Mom's name is Aarti and Dad's name is Prakash.
He: Oh...really?
She: Yea of course. What are your parent's names?
He: Mom's name is Shanti...and Dad's name....is Prakash too. Prakash Sharma.
She (suspiciously) : err.. how old is your father?
He: Umm 42.. yours?
She: 42!!
He (getting nervous) : So errr... your dad isn't into the import export business is he?
She(shocked): Oh crap.

After around ten minutes of further probing it has been discovered that they the children of the same father and different mothers... so instead of 'pati, patni aur woh' it became 'papa, mummy, aur papa ke bacche'


And this is just one of the various examples that can happen.
The girl who appears all nice and innocent, may disappear with your gold watch and all your money.
The guy who came in the porsche, is seen driving a bicycle the next day.
The girl who swore she adheres family values, turns out she adheres to many different family values..you could have been family number 7 if you married her.
The guy who says he has an interesting and exciting night job turns out to be a thief.

So, whats the moral of the story?
Speed dating is a no no.


Regardless of that, I am quite sure that friend of mine has gone for the session and is probably hopping through tables meeting random girls now. I am going to enjoy hearing is experience tomorrow.

Weird happenings

I had fallen asleep in my bed last night, which is pretty common. Most people fall asleep on their beds. Except for husbands. Sometimes they have to sleep on the sofa, but its usually within the confines of their home. Anyway, I fell asleep on my bed, but woke up at the beach.

No it wasn't a dream at all. Because I had to pay for a cab ride home. Quite odd. Maybe I should sleep at the beach tonight so I wake up in bed in the morning.

And in case you are wondering, no, I don't walk in my sleep. But then, maybe I do....there was another moment where I woke up with a spoon in my hand. Its amusing to wake up on such days. They are always exciting, the thrill of solving the mystery of what the hell did you do at night.

Today, while coming back from college, I saw a very curious and somewhat amusing thing. A cute little cat was feasting on some milk from its bowl. The amusing part in that story is...sigh...I use the exact same type of bowl to eat my cereal. This is too much. I refuse to live my life in kitty standards. I am going bowl-shopping tomorrow.

Going to bed now, hopefully I will wake up in bed too :P

Goodnight all.

A short daydream

Just a small half a minute of day dreaming.

It was late in the night. I was sleeping with the wife....well... I was sleeping. She was reading a book. Suddenly an earthquake hit...it was huge. Must have registered around 5.8 on the Richter scale. The entire house began to shake. Amidst all that, I got up, still quite groggy, asked my wife, "what the hell are you doing? Stop moving the bed. Now is sleepy time, not naughty time." And with that I went back to sleep, while she just stared.

...
Its going to be a very interesting marriage.

Exam capers

Going down memory lane again. This time I am reliving my engineering days, specially the last exams I had given. The way I behaved was really uncalled for, and yet, I couldn't help it. I was thoroughly fed up with engineering. Five years of my life, wasted, sitting under the leaky roof of a dull classroom while some professor spews gibberish and expects to be treated like he is the son of god.

The exams, I did have a lot of fun there. But the ones close to me never seem to understand that. To them, it will always be, "you should have taken it more seriously and finished it"
While that may be true, I always thought, what point in having a degree which you are certain you won't use? I made a mistake 5 years ago(well..its more like 7 now) when I joined up for engineering. Of course, there was a plus point... a point so valuable that it almost makes those "5 wasted years" mean something. I met the girl. Towards the very end, I met the girl.

Maybe that was my destiny? Could be. Some higher power(I refuse to use the G word here) might have planned it that way. Probably that's why I stayed a year longer than required. Could also be the reason why I failed :P
Ok ok, I am just trying to pass the blame...I failed on my own accord. It was simple lack of interest. Not as if I couldn't do it...had gotten excellent scores on the subjects I liked. But the ones that I found boring...I just did odd things during the exams.

Ok, enough stalling now...lets get to the memories.
The last few exams I gave in engineering:

Day 1: Medical Imaging.
I can't believe I was the only one in class who failed. So embarrassing. Plus, the more crucial problem, who the hell do I copy from?
Anyway, I just started answering questions.

Q: Define static imaging.

Ans: Static imaging is basically pictures taken from a still camera. You can use a tripod for this one. In contrast, dynamic imaging is when you move your camera while taking the picture. Such pictures are often blurry. Static photos however are quite nice and sharp.
Alternatively, static imaging is also a more refined way of saying "taking pictures of lightning".
Ah, but you are referring to "static imaging" in terms of biomedical engineering then I guess that static imaging is a diagnostic procedure for visualizing an internal organ or body compartment. A radioactive substance is administered to a patient, and an image or set of images is made of the fixed or slowly changing distribution of the radioactivity, basically its any diagnostic image fixed and frozen in time...like Xray images for example. (but I am sure you already knew that...after all, I did)

After answering some more inane questions, I decided that enough is enough. I raised my hand so I can call the invigilator.
He comes up to me and asks, "you want an additional supplement?"
I replied, "No, but I am bored. I have a nice novel in my bag. Can I read it here?"
He looked at me in disbelief.



Day 2: Microprocessors 2
I came prepared today. I was determined to sit longer than 30 minutes. It was a 3 hour paper. I should sit at least for half that much time. Soooo, I brought color pencils.

I was drawing stick figure cartoons during the exam, coloring them. They gave very detailed information. Like, the stick figure on the second row, 3rd table on the right, was clearly copying answers from the girl stick figure in front of him.

After a while I got bored and decided, ok, lets write some answers.

Q: Explain the principles and workings of the 8085 microprocessor.

Ans: The 8085 microprocessor is obsolete. We now have advanced to the Pentium age. You old buffoons stop clinging on to the past. Embrace the new technology. The New P4 core processor makes your puny 8085 appear as slow as a tortoise. Forget the P4, even if you consider the microprocessor on old school consoles like Atari, they are faster than the 8085. Answer me this, can you play pacman using a single 8085 chip? No. Pfft. Then this is useless for me. There is no point reading up on decadent circuits when you have far better and more complex ones in the market. Therefore, this entire question paper serves no purpose except for the old paper setter who is desperately trying to cling on to a circuit which is on the brink of extinction.

And with that I got up and left...60 minutes...sigh. I had tried so hard to stay for at least 90.


Day 3: Math
Ooo boy, this was probably my...7th attempt appearing for this paper. I reveled in the irony of failing Math -3 but clearing Math - 4 on the first attempt.
You would think that the university acknowledges that and clears me of math 3 also. After all, if I passed a higher level math exam, surely a lower level one would be child's play.

And it is. But the problem is, I just don't like solving all those derivation and integration problems. I don't need them. There is never going to be a situation where I am say, held hostage and the only way to escape is by answering what is D/d(x^2 + (x/2000) * 100)...just an example.

I will spare the mathematical examples. You all know, the classic ones like, I cannot answer is this question as it includes the number "4". 4 is a very evil number. It goes against my religion.
Or
Writing in Superman's native language, Kryptonian, and then leaving a note behind, "Superman was here"


Day 4: Signal processing.
My classmate was tensed today...he had given this paper many times, each time failing. He was getting a little frustrated with it. Then he looked up at me, and saw I am pretty calm. So he comes up to me and asks, "you not worried?"
I replied, "nope. Its signal processing. This is going to be fun", and I giggled thinking of the numerous ways I can refer to signal processing, how the males brain processes the signals his eyes send out when they see a female etc.
I guess he misread my calmness and pleaded, "dude, please let me copy from you today."
I told him, "ok sure. No problem."

I selected my first question, and wrote the answer correctly. I always write the first few answers correctly to lull the paper corrector into a false sense of hope. Making them think that this student knows what he is writing...and then I strike. Anyway, I wrote the first answer for around 20 minutes.
My pal did the same. The process repeated for the second answer too.

Then I started drawing a box.
He was confused but he did exactly like I did...probably assumed that I am doing a block diagram.
After a very complex looking cube had been drawn, I started writing stuff down and he copied it word for word.
Five minutes into writing my answer, he glared and repeatedly tapped me on my back.

Friend: "What the hell are you writing?"
Me: "Oh, I am just explaining the basics of a hypercube."
Friend: "What?"
Me: "A hypercube. Its a 4th dimensional cube. Also known as a tesseract. Imagine it this way, a cube has 3 dimensions right...well, a tesseract has an extra dimension. I am going to write a short thesis on this. Its pretty interesting, specially for astro.."
Friend: "What the hell! Why aren't you writing the answers to the questions in the paper?"
Me: "Oh...I don't know anything else."

He just glared at me angrily, and I grinned back naughtily.


Ahh...good times.

Stung by the spelling bee.

Spelling mistakes are quite a pain. Truth be told, the worst bloopers emerge from making typo errors. Cellphone messages are usually a victim of such disasters. However, worst doesn't mean all bad. Actually, when you think about it, they can be quite fun(specially when the person who made them doesn't realize it and even if they do, its too late to make corrections)

Its always the aftermath of the spelling errors that give me great joy.

I was watching House on TV(its a sitcom..watch it), when all of a sudden, the cable went out. The only thing that was shown on my screen was some text highlighted in a blue box.
"There is some technical error in the transmission, kindly bare with us. Thank you."

...
Bare?
You want me to bare with you? I am not stripping down in the middle of the day, provided I have worn anything in the first place.

That was a spelling error. There are more types too.

Grammatical errors, basically when some words get wrongly substituted with something else, making the context all the more hilarious.
I was reminiscing about my 12th grade English Professor a few days ago. His vocabulary, my god! I have never heard such blasphemy in my life. Well, that is, until I came to Singapore. That "singlish" is just awful. Anyway, I remember once the professor was giving us a test. He dictated a passage out and we would have to listen and finally answer the questions he had given.

He spoke out loud, and mind you, he didn't say it accidentally, "...and since the guard had to protect the king, he slept with him."

OMG! He was supposed to sleep next to the king, not with the king. To think that just one little word could change the sexual preference of the poor guard...and what about the king? Well, I guess he just got tired of sleeping with the queen.

Then there are words which sound alike and mean two different things. Like for instance, night and knight, allowed and aloud, died and dyed etc. If memory serves me correct, such words are called homonyms. These can be a laugh riot if they aren't used properly.
So to be honest, I am not going to be surprised if I spot an advertisement next to a barber shop, showing a guy with raven black hair and a tag-line - "He died last week, that's why his hair looks fantastic. Come on in. We will die for you."

Then there is the classic cellphone blooper. Specially for those writing in that mobile dictionary T9 mode. You skip one key and the entire word changes. Imagine if you have applied for a company, and the boss loves your resume. Just for this example, he doesn't call you, he messages you. Asking you a question, "what work did you do with the previous company?"
And your reply is...
"My job was to pervert unauthorized people from coming onto the site"

OMG! His job is to pervert people! I wonder if he is the reason for all this perversion around here. Maybe I wrote the previous post here because I bumped into him and he perverted me :P


Anyway, to sum it up, try your best to avoid such mistakes. But to be honest, I wish you keep repeating them, I enjoy a good laugh every now and then.



P.S - I wasn't going to post today, but the girl forced me. She sent me an sms saying, "you better wive the post today" Ahem, wive my post? But I have only just met. Lets take it slow baby. Why don't we date first?
:P.

Learning to 'play'.

Just a short skit.


"Hey, there you are," she said. She wondered what he was doing hiding in the garage. As soon as he heard her voice, a wave of panic hit his body and he stopped his current activity , looking towards her.

"Hi", he spoke, nervously.

"I was waiting for you in the living room, what's taking so long?", she inquired as she stepped into the garage.

"Nothing", he replied, "I was just arranging some boxes. Why don't you go back to the living room now. I will be there in a while."
But she wasn't listening. She walked forward, closer to him, until she saw it...and gasped in shock.

"What the HELL..", she shrieked.

"Honey, I can explain everything...", he said, quivering a little.

"How dare you. You are playing by yourself...that too in the garage. Shame on you."

"Sweetheart its not what you think, I was just...practicing. Building up my stamina and talent a little", he mumbled out.

She let out a sigh. This man is never going to change...and this isn't the first time she has caught him like this either. So instead of arguing, she decided to play along with him.
"You could have told me. Why do you always play by yourself? Can't you at least let me know. I could at least watch you play.", she said.

"Honey I am sorry," he apologized, "I had no idea you like to watch me play"

"You know", she said in a soft tone, "That's a very nice stick you have in your hand there."

He stood there, confused, with the stick still in his hand.

She continued on, "Mmm yea, its quite long and its so hard"

Realizing that she is fine right now, with him hiding and playing by himself, and is actually trying to get into the mood, he replied, in his low seductive voice, "Thanks. I use it a lot these days"

"And what a lovely set of balls. I can see them shining.", she said, stretching her hand out to touch them.

He laughed and his brown eyes sparkled. "I like them myself too. They are quite firm"

"How often do you play with them mm?" she asked, as her fingers traced the curve on one of the balls.

"Every chance I get, love. Every chance I get", he replied.

She couldn't help but smile at his frankness.

"You know honey", she said, while her fingers moved up to his stick, " I really don't have too much experience playing with these things. My parents have never allowed me to play with them."

He calmly said, " Oh you poor dear. Don't you worry now, I will teach you everything you need to know about this little game"

"Thanks hon", she gleamed in excitement. " You are the best. With your training, I will be able to play pool in no time."

Wanna play?

Appeasing the five senses.

Note: I am in a mushy mood. For those who don't like mushy stuff, you can skip this post.


Sight.
She pleases my eyes. I am sure she felt me looking at her. Trying her best to catch me staring. But my eyes turn away the minute she stares at me. As soon as she turns back, my focus shifts back to her. The only difference is, now its more intense. Watching her movements, the subtle motion of her arms, the way her lips move while she speaks.
Within minutes, everything around me shuts out completely. My eyes just study her, memorizing her, watching her in vivid detail. Every curve of her body is recorded, all the intricate details in her dress. Everything. My eyes take it all in. Her body, her mind, even her soul, if in case our eyes lock. Her eyes are magnificent. From the first day that I happened to glance at them, I was mesmerized by their beauty. When she looked at me, I knew that these lovely soft brown eyes are the ones that I want to wake up to every morning. They had an uncanny hypnotic ability, whether they were sleepy, angry, happy, or deep in thought. I have always loved her eyes. But for now, my eyes are fixed on her. She knows I am watching, and she is more than happy to let me keep looking. I know she is blushing.... the room just got a little hotter.


Touch
I love to touch her. I am gentle at first... just using the tip of my fingers, lightly brushing against her skin. Slowly the pressure builds up. I make them walk up and down her arm. Just two fingers, going back and forth, making her more familiar with my touch. Soon they creep across her waist. She lets out a little hum, trying her best to hide the pleasure she felt at my touch.
Her hands begin to move too, her tiny fingers quickly grasp mine, effectively stopping my movement. She leans forward, close to my face, whispering in my ears, "aye, what do you think you are doing mm?"
But for now, I am lost in her touch. I am just focusing on the touch. The other senses at this point, are put on hold.
My hands pulled away from her grip and rose up to touch her cheeks. I gave a little smile as I caressed those soft silky cheeks with my thumb, a smile which turned into a grin as the caressing suddenly turned into a light pinch.
Before she could protest, my fingers moved to her lips, those perfect smooth lips. They are precious to me. So warm, gentle to the touch. My body can't handle it anymore. It needs to be comforted. I suddenly pull her towards me, giving her a tight hug. A loving embrace, letting my body feel hers completely, wishing I could just merge with her. I have realized that the only time I can sleep peacefully is when I feel her body alongside mine while we lay next to each other in bed. Its just amazing.


Smell
She has a good smell. My nose approves of it. Its one of those kind of fragrances that linger around for quite some time. It varies though. That's because she keeps switching soaps. Sometimes, its the sweet smell of dove, other times it was yardley, few moments she even smelled like honey...probably because of that Lux soap. But regardless of the soaps, it was her all the same.
Every morning when she gets up and leaves the room, I feel this sudden absence of her fragrances. It becomes so overwhelming that I hold on to her pillow, burying my face in it, inhaling deeply. Her scent clings on to everything.
On days when I am a little depressed, I hold on to her pillow tighter, imagining that I am in her arms, my face buried against her chest. She would be close enough for me to smell her hair, taking in all that dove or honey or whatever those scents are.
I bury my face deeper . Clinging on to it tight while I inhale the remnants of her fragrance, falling asleep blissfully.
It is a good smell.



Taste
Early morning, as soon as I wake up, my lips hunger for hers. I have to taste her. The taste changes throughout the day. Early morning, a kiss tastes of the sweet dreams she had last night. After brushing her teeth, the strong mint overpowers my tongue. After breakfast there is a lingering taste of tea. During the day, I get to experience a cherry flavor. The incidents where I know she has been cheating in her diet, when her kisses taste like chocolate. At times when she is on her kurkure cravings, my taste buds get to experience a nice sweet and spicy flavor....so many various flavors. Every kiss is different, and with every taste, I keep getting cravings for more.



Sound
Usually coming home after a long tiresome day, I just walk straight up to her as we sit on the couch and talk. My body, worn down from sitting in the chair and working all day, begins to tilt a little. Before you know it, I have fallen asleep in her lap.
I can hear a sound. A soft sound. Its tone rising and falling, almost like a musical melody.It is beautiful. I open my eyes a little and see her lips. They are moving. Saying something...
Slowly I realize that she is singing. Still hazy, I don't move much, getting a little tensed. A bit afraid that if I move too much, her singing will stop.
That voice...its so...I am too drowsy to continue that thought. Mesmerized by her voice. I can feel sleep creeping up again. This time I fight it, I want to hear some more of that intoxicating music. A sweet lullaby. She will be a good mother. Our child will never cry for long. I have held on to her tight by now, I can hear her heart beating. The rhythms almost match her singing. I wish I could listen to her voice forever. Its soothing to my soul.
Blissfully I keep listening to it until sleep finally overpowers my senses.



Goodnight everyone

Beyond chubby.

Yesterday I made cream of sweet corn soup. It was fantastic. Well, nothing compared to the ones I get in chinese restaurants of course, but very nice nonetheless.

Today I made mushroom soup. With croutons. I think I am going to be sick... really wanted to throw the soup away. Alas, was forced to drink it. At this time I wish there was something tasty in the house to get rid of this mushroom breath.

Btw, I have set out to lose weight...again. I am dead serious this time. Its alright when people call me fat. I don't really care. Being a little chubby has never bothered me. But you see, I have gone past the "chubby" phase. Now that annoys me. I need to get back to my lovable chubby self at the very least, if not reduce more than that.

So I guess the next month is going to be a month full of fruits and soups. I miss my cheese and crunchy stuff. Eating crunchy celery is NOT a substitute for potato chips.

Until yesterday though I was still in the transition phase. Had a bowl of peanuts and soup. Peanuts are good provided its a handful. A small handful... so unfair. When people recommend, "you should eat one handful of peanuts", they shouldn't specify the hand size. To each their own hand. Its not my fault that my hand can pick out almost half the packet.

By today I have got all my required stuff.

Tomorrow morning I am starting with the usual stuff.

Warm honey water in the morning.
Cereal breakfast(without fail)
Lunch includes apples and something..I dunno..a salad perhaps..if I am not too lazy to make one.
Afternoon snack includes chocolate milk(I NEED SOMETHING TO MAKE ME HAPPY!)
Evening, one dosa or 3 khakras.
Night, soup of the day(tomato for the next few days definitely)

Sigh.

Anyone out there interested in a fat transplant? I won't even charge you.

On a side note...ever gotten up in the morning and fall asleep again. Wake up in the afternoon..check mail, surf a little, fall asleep. Finally wake up in the evening...and you aren't sure whether you showered in the morning or not?
I don't know whether I took a shower today.

What's that you say? Why not just take one again?
No I can't. You see...I only condition my hair once. If I do it again, it will be all limpy. But if I haven't showered, then my hair will be a little oily. I can't take a risk making my hair limp. So I guess I have to just wait till sunrise.

Also, I am bored. I want college to start so I can be sarcastic towards my classmates and bitch and moan about my impossibly ludicrious assignments.

I would kill for an ice cream right now. Ice cream sundae...with chocolate syrup...and nuts..must have nuts.

I am going nuts.

Hershey says # 4

Hershey says, " The movie, Matrix... makes no sense. Ok fine, robots got super advanced and used humans as batteries. Why? Why not use a cow? Any living creature would be fine at that point. So why not a cow? Cows wouldn't even disobey, they wouldn't rebel. We can have a Mootrix. Think about it."


Restarted this post series after ages. Brought back for two reasons.
1. Helps me write something silly during days I have nothing to post.
2. I am too sleepy right now to continue.

What Scares the Shit Out of Me

A simple clear post...here's a list of things that scare the shit out of me.

1. Bugs. That includes crawling bugs, flying bugs, hybrids etc. If its small and crawls or buzzes, I am grabbing some heavy duty pesticide and emptying the entire can on it. Take no chances. Bugs are evil. They may pretend to play dead. Your life isn't worth the risk, empty the entire can of poison on those little critters.

2. Snakes. They don't scare me when they are caged. Otherwise, I am not going near them. Slithery little evil things.

3. Mice. If there is ever a mouse problem in the house, I am going to confidently go towards the dining room table, and sit on it coolly, making sure my feet don't touch the floor.

4. Lizards. Demonspawns from hell, sent to earth to acquire information about me. I hate em. Plus, they move so fast that its scary.

5. Himesh Reshammiya. Think about it. You are trapped in a room with him...and he wants to sing. Oh the horror....the horror!

6. Birds. Birds are evil. They evolved from dinosaurs, meaning they evolved from reptiles. Reptiles are giant lizards. Therefore, birds are also demonspawns... who can fly. Avoid them at all costs. Besides, if you piss them off, they will crap on you.

7. Public speaking. I hate it. Don't get me wrong. Give me a large audience. About a 100+ people and I will speak with ease. Give me a small classroom with 20 students, and I will lose my nerves.

8. Dogs. Wait wait...I will be specific. Hounds. Bloodhounds...at night...growling like they have rabies or something. Basic rule of survival : Carry a shotgun with you if there is a bloodhound in your neighbourhood.

9. Noises in the dark. You know, I am usually up all night...working(surfing and reading comics) on my assignments. Its complete silence at night. The only sound I hear is the clickety clack of the keyboard, and the occasional messenger notifications. But when the lights are switched off, suddenly I hear all these creaking noises. Where are they coming from. I bet its the lizards, making the noise..wanting me to get out of my bed.

10. Dolls. The ones with the big head and eyes that open and close. I hate them. They are scary. They can come to life and kill you with a butter knife. But I know a way to counter that fear. I keep a lot of GIJOE action figures, all in tanks and fighter jets. If that doll awakens, she will be blown away to smithereens.



Its been so long since I used the word "smithereens"

Smithereens.... sounds similar to scoobydooooo

smithereens...scoobydooooo


I am so sleepy tonight.

A question

Keeping this post short because I have a lot of unpacking to do.

I just have a quick question for you all. Suppose you have to make a ten minute(minumum) documentary, what would it be?

Would you make a documentary on the zoo? Or some historic figure? Or any particular animal? Maybe something more towards your home, like a tour of your city? Or more personal like a self documentary...a 10 minute documentary about your life?

Which seems more appealing?

Keep in mind that its a one person production. So basically, if you are filming yourself, gotta use a tripod.


Help me out here. I need to think of some topics for a documentary.
So far, the options I considered is singapore zoo, singapore on the whole, life of one of the restaurant owners(boring), my life(no clue what to film), tourist destinations of singapore, singapore culture, singapore food(expensive).

What...what do I shoot?
I need something soon so I can finish this nonsense documentary...sure I have 12 weeks to submit it. College hasn't even started yet. Still, the sooner I film and finish, the more time I can spend with my other subjects...this semester is hard. Not "hard" like how I described all the previous ones...this one is ACTUALLY nerve wracking hard!

I have already found out some of my final assignments for this semester...apart from the documentary, I have to make a character in maya. See, that itself sends chills down my spine. To really make me jump in fright, the professor could say, "give the character facial expressions..animate him".

There are two new subjects... ones which I have no clue about, and have no choice but to wait and see what does it consist of... and who is teaching it. Getting a good grade also heavily depends on getting a professor that likes me :P

I have a vague idea that I have flash again(the horror!), and this time its with coding. I might make it through if the flash animations don't include characters. Simple flash I can do...like website intros etc...anything major and its going to be an issue.

Anyway, documentary ideas.... help....please?

Again, I can't stress on this part enough..its a one man production, so please bear that in mind.
Hopefully by next sunday I will have my topic and then I can start on the details.

I would appreciate your input here. Thank you all.

Who is pregnant?

I had another dream.

I am happily married to my wife, and we have one kid around 4 years old. The second baby is on its way. We are living comfortably in our cosy home, watching TV.

Tom and Jerry to be precise. Kid likes it, mom likes it...therefore even if I don't like it, I better start liking it. Even though I have seen all the episodes dozens of times. I rationalize it in this way, "Hey, at least there is no sing-a-long stuff in this"

So we all finished our dinner, I got up to clear the table and clean the plates(I can't stand dirty utensils), smiling to myself for not having to wash the pots and pans because I did that as soon as I finished serving the food(yea yea I have a quirk..wife is used to it now)

The wife waddled out of the dining room and onto the living room sofa/bed(where I sleep whenever I do something stupid). The kid sat down on the carpet, more closer to the TV, engrossed in his cartoons. Pretty soon, I came by and sat down besides the wife.

We were discussing about the baby, she was talking about how much more longer it will take as she was gaining weight. I tried to tell her that its a good thing she is bloating up a little, it means the baby is going to be nice and cute and healthy and chubby.

The kid was eavesdropping in the conversation...curious little child. We hadn't told him about the new arrival yet. He did notice his mommy gaining a couple of extra pounds. We were waiting until the 5th month to tell him. That way we can tell him whether the kid will have a brother or a sister. I prefer to know. Its silly to not know. What if I paint the room blue and then on the day of delivery I realize that I should have painted it pink. Nah, I rather know beforehand. Boy or girl, no partiality. Just keep trying till you get one of each :P

Anyway, so the kid heard me speak the word "baby".

He asked his mother, in a very serious tone(gets that from his mother), "mom, did you eat a baby? "

Both of us replied in unision, "of course not sweetie"

Then mommy started to explain, "You see, mommies have the power to grow babies, but the babies are really really tiny, so mommies first grow them in their tummy. Right now a baby is growing in my tummy"

The kid, getting more curious and inquisitive(he gets that from the father), began asking more questions.

"So is that why your weight is going up mommy?"

The wife sighs a little and replies, "yes dear, mommy had gained weight when she carried you too"

The kid pauses for a while, as if he is trying to think about his next question.

Finally he asks, "mommy, who put the baby there?"

This time I spoke, "I did dear. All daddies have the power to put babies in mommy's tummy"

The kid turns towards me, again falling silent, thinking. I really hate that. Thinking for so long usually means something unusual is going to happen. It runs in the family.

The kid finally said, "Then daddy, you are also carrying a baby, right? Because your belly and mommy's belly looks the same"

...

Oh the wife was laughing like crazy at that comment, while my face just turned beetroot red. She told the kid in between her bursts of laughter, "no no honey, your father is just fat." To add insult to injury, she emphasized the 'fat' by poking me and saying "see, finger goes all the way in"

What a family.

.....

I need to lose some weight. Pronto.

Email forwards

I am posting an email forward because of my inability to write anything at this particular moment(personal issues)

In the spirit of posting once a day, I am obliged to do this... but in all honesty, today I am least concerned with blogging. So no stories..just enjoy some forward...

Last 10 things the opposite sex would ever say

No.	Women	Men
10	Could our relationship be more Physical? I'm tired of just being friends.	I think Barry Manilow is one cool dude.
9	Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.	While I'm up, can I get you a beer?
8	I think hairy butts are really sexy.	I think hairy butts are really sexy.
7	Hey, get a whiff of that one.	Her tits are just too big.
6	Please don't throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.	Sometimes I just want to be held.
5	This diamond is way too big.	That chick on Murder, She Wrote gives me a woody.
4	I won't even put my lips on that things unless I get to swallow	Sure, I'd love to wear a condom.
3	Wow, it really is 12 inches!	We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
2	Does this make my butt look too small?	Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
1	I'm wrong, you must be right again.	I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions

More incidents...

I want my neighbour's number....so I can call him and tell, " Good morning neighbour, your car, the red colored Indica in front of your house, I have fixed the problem of its constant beeping by smashing through the windshield and disconnecting every wire I could find. Now you will have a peaceful morning sleep. I know I will"

At times, doesn't it feel like you are wasting precious moments of your life by sitting and surfing on the internet, writing blogs to be specific. So what do I do? Why, the answer is obvious. I go out, visit places, travel at different destinations etc. If I go to the beach or a restaurant, or places like rajasthan, or even lonavala...all I can think is "This would make a fantastic blog entry"

I have a nice romantic idea for couples, preferably married ones coz they can spend the cash...or maybe the ones dating so they can spend the cash instead of worrying about saving it for kids.

Well, actually you can do this as per your budget. Take a map of the world, of your country, or of your city, depending on how much you spend. Now, blindfold your partner and tell them to point to a place. Of course, you have to do this during your anniversary. Then just go there and make it memorable.

When you mention a dish, food related stuff... and you write Aubergine as one of its ingredients, SPECIFY that it means brinjal. I DO NOT LIKE BRINJAL IN MY LASAGNE!

Grrr.

I have a teeny tiny crush on Katrina Kaif... I used to have crushes on priety zinta and rani mukherjee during my late teenage years... now its katrina kaif. But I do have to say, out of all the crushes, still haven't found one compared to Juhi Chawla.

Oddly, I was around 12 years old when I was all ga-ga about juhi.

Btw, just so you know...I am a little strange sometimes.

I can't wait to grow old...so I can take advantage of the young people. You know, get out of the store with a heavy bag and groan a little, pretending like I am spraining my back. Some young guy will come by and help me carry my stuff, I will hobble along with him to my place while he lifts my heavy stuff, and as soon as he leaves, I stand upright, pick up the bag and carry it across the kitchen. Kitchen because..well what else am I going to buy other than food?

Yea yea, its evil but its also pretty cunning. Plus, when you reach that age, you have full rights to take advantage like that.

Enough for now. I have some work to finish by tomorrow. Me and my big mouth. Never accept work while you are vacationing.

India Vs Singapore

Without any long ramblings, lets just get on with the post.

1. India has a beautiful culture, rich heritage, vibrant history etc etc. Basically, in terms of tourism and public curiosity, India ranks higher than Singapore. Singapore is more...giant shopping malls and entertainment. (India 1 Singapore 0)

2. In Singapore, if you go around taking pictures of buildings or people, you can do it with ease, while carrying equipments like your tripod and a big photographer's backpack. In India, a tripod is mistaken for a rifle and you are questioned as to why you are taking pictures of an ordinary street. Bah! (India 1 Singapore 1)

3. I won't talk about the current cleanliness factor of the countries due to the population difference, but seriously, just because we have much more people isn't really an excuse to paint the roads and walls with red spit. ( India 1 Singapore 2)

4. Singapore has Comfort and Citicabs. Basically that's picking up your cellphone, and calling a cab. Usually arrives in 5-15 minutes. Has one drawback though....lot of extra charges if you call at the wrong time. Peak hours are a pain.
India, well, mumbai at least...has something called MERU...I think that was the name... It also has the same 'call-a-cab' service. Nice cabs too. Quite comfortable seating. The drivers have to sign an agreement, sort of like an oath, that they will not drink and drive, not smoke, not chew on paan etc. One drawback though..you have to call at least an hour in advance.
But hey..its progress. And there don't seem to be peak hour charges soooo.....
(India 2 Singapore 2)

5. Singapore has beautiful exotic desserts. Cheesecakes and sundaes and icecreams like you have never ever seen. The pizza you get in pizza hut overshadows the one we get here easily.
However, in India...we have chaats, punjabi food, chinese food(the way chinese food is SUPPOSED TO BE...SPICY AND HOT... INDIAN STYLE!) ...hell even the salted peanuts here taste better...I am eating a handful of them right now...doctor had said that I should just eat a handful. Pity...but don't be too sad. Its "my" handful...that's a big big hand.
Regardless, all the desserts in the world can't be compared to tandoori paneer or sev puri or vada pav...
(India 3 Singapore 2)

6. Singapore has 711...retail stores that are open 24 hours a day, everyday. Now this may not seem like an important thing here..but after staying there, and going on a shopping spree at 2am because of a sudden craving for some crunchy munchies... yea, I definitely would appreciate if there are some 24/7 open stores here too. Plus, the overall idea of going out at night....singapore is much more safer to cruise around after midnight than mumbai. I can be out taking photographs..sometime from 12am to 6am..and feel quite safe. Over here, I would probably be coming back in my underwear, if the robbers don't steal that from me too...
(India 3 Singapore 3)

7. Places of interest in singapore..and around singapore... can be visited in as much as 2 weeks. Also, the locations are a 'one time only' kind of destinations. You aren't too keen of going over there again.
India has rajasthan and kerala amongst my top two favorites. Kashmir would make that list when the riots calm down. I am not saying that there aren't more...aurangabad is nice..bangalore was cool...coorg specifically. But yea, rajasthan and kerala...two must visit destinations. Can never get tired of it.
(India 4 Singapore 3)

8. In terms of lifestyle....Singapore. I have couples all around me, coochie cooing in the MRT, or while waiting for the traffic light to go green. I have seen lips locking on the bus, in the library, at coffee shops..pretty much everywhere. Really not the best thing I want to observe when I am hundreds of miles away from my girl. But yes, I love the openness. Whereas here, I have to worry about every little thing...

The rickshaw driver is watching, that bhajiwalla is watching, that old parsi woman is grumbling, "aaj kal na chokralog toh public maaj chumma chummi karech"(These kids today, kissing in public like that), the timid parsi husband besides her smiling, "cheers dikra, amna chumma lai le..pacchi toh eh ek kagdi jevi thai jase"(Go for it kid, take all the kisses now only, coz later she is going to grow into an old crow)

Ahem..where was I..oh yea, I have to worry about the coffeeshop people staring at us when I get close to my girl, hold her hands. When I look deep in her eyes, I can feel about a dozen more eyes gazing behind me...old people voicing out their disgust, middle aged people reliving their past, people of my age not saying anything coz..well..they are too busy trying to steal a kiss from their girls too, and kids...well... kids are just walking by giving a wolf whistle.
All in all, kissing in public here...any public display of affection actually... a hug which is more romantic than friendly, or kissing publicly on beaches etc...people still haven't adjusted to it.
They are beginning to slowly..but its progress is way too slow.
In Singapore it has reached the point where you can put up a tent on the beach and ..well...if the tent is rocking, don't come knocking.
(India 4 Singapore 4)

...Its a tie?
Luckily, I have prepared a tie breaker if such a situation were to arrive.( were any of you surprised that I was prepared for this?)

9. In singapore, I go out and take photos of beautiful things, take long walks, or surf on the net for most of the day, immerse myself in assignments so that my mind can be occupied in something other than coochie cooing with my girl.
In India... well... in India , I don't need stuff to distract my mind...in India, I can do things like, taking my girl to a movie, and leaving halfway, so the corridors are totally empty, and there are no cameras anywhere..and no people...no prying eyes....
...
...

Coochie coo paradise.

All in all... Singapore has the lifestyle suitable to have a girl. But girl is in India...

India 5 Singapore 4

I guess that settles it.... lights..music.. action!

Note: 31 days have been done...so have 31 posts...few have been nonsense ones, many have been a decent read. 31 feels like its going to be extended to 51 now... let us see if Shruti accepts this challenge. What say you, girl sitting on a high spot..shall ye accept thy challenge?