Ali Baba the 4th

I got one of those spam emails yesterday. Why do silly things keep happening around me I wonder....well, at least I had a little fun with it this time....posted a reply.
Check this out:


SPAM MAIL:
How are you today,
I hope that you are doing fine as i am feeling alright also. dear it was very great when i got your contact and i felt a great spark in my heart which me to be interested on you despite that i have not seen you in person but my heart really gave me a nice pleasure to communicate with you. please you can contact me back i am waiting to hear from you soonest. yours Peace with much love&higssssss Take Good Care Of Yourself, Love From Miss, Peace


ME:
ehhhhh!
I think you got the wrong email...




I figured its a case of mistaken identity...who knows..but I got another message the next day...

SPAM MAIL:
I thank you, Do not be surprise or get offended for receiving this message from me, It just that I have been obliged to lay a mere trust on you due to my situation here in the refugees camp, Let me first of all reveal my self to you, and I will require the best of your honesty after your knowing about me and whom I am, I will really like us to have a good relationship inspite of anything(be it age,distance or color) because I have this feeling that you are my man and you will not betray me,

MY PROFILE FULL LIFE STORY.
I decided to contact you because of the urgency of my situation here and i became intrested in knowing you the more and also to trust you with my life.I am Miss Peace Egoigwe Danw (as you know). from Rwanda, the only daughter of (Late) Dr Egoigwe Danw. the deputy minister of national security under the leadership of the then Rwandan president who is now in exile after many innocent soul were killed, My father was killed alonside my beloved mother by some hoodlums,who parades themselves as political thugs they accuse my father of coup attempt (which he never did) Anyway I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment I,am receiving from my step mother(since the death of my late parents).She planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved parents.
Meanwhile I wanted to escape from Africa to any where in the world but she hide away my international passport and other valuable travelling documents. Luckily she did not discover where I kept my fathers File which contains important documents of his access.So I decided to run to the refugee camp where I am presently seeking asylum under the Private charity organization for the Refegee here in Dakar, Republic of Senegal. I wish to contact you personally for a long term relationship that may lead us to somewhere better if we work well on it. I found out in one of the files that my father of blessed memory deposited the sum of ($4.2m)four Million Two Hundred Thousand Dollars) in a Bank in europe with my name Peace Egoigwe Danw as the next of kin.
However, I shall forward you with the necessary documents and contacts on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and investment of the fund.As you will also help me in an invsetment, and i will like to complete my studies, as i was in my 1st year in the university before the crisis started.
After the transaction you will arrange for my trip of joining you over there for us to share this feelings face to face. We will invest the fund me and you, or if you don't intend staying with me then It will be my pleasure to compensate you with 15% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my investment capital. This is the reason why I decided to contact you. Please all communications should be through this email address only for confidential purposes. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this relationship and transaction sincerely.Awaiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this only to your self please I beg you not to disclose it till i come over once the fund has been transfered.


ME:
I am not surprised, or offended. In fact when I first got the message, I sort of realized that it will be something of this sort. Its a shame that you are in a refugee camp.
However, let me reveal myself to you too.

My "profile full life story".
I am the son of King Ali Baba the 3rd...so technically I am Ali Baba the 4th. I already had 7 wives when I was 10 years of age. By the time I reached 21, I had over 40 women whom I could call my wife.
Now, if you ask any regular man, they will tell you that having one wife itself is enough. I have 40. A month has 30 days. Every month 10 wives are angry at me because I didn't spend time with them you know. So I finally decided to not have a long term relationship with anyone else. Hence, this relationship wouldn't work out.

Plus, when King Ali Baba the 3rd passed way( Vishnu bless his soul), he left me with more than just money. I got the palace, the haveli, over a hundred servants, an army of ten thousand men, over five hundred exotic dancers, one golden throne, and over a thousand elephants.
What is 4.2 million dollars in comparison to this... at best it will feed peanuts to my elephants for a year. My elephants are royal...they don't eat normal nuts. They eat the finest Macadamia nuts. Those are very costly you know.

Alas, my vizier is trying to capture the throne from me and is planning to take away all my inherited wealth too. So right now I am currently busy with making plans to kill him, accidentally of course. You see, I "didn't know" the royal lake was recently occupied by a crocodile. Heheheh.

Maybe you should try hooking up with the prince of Nigeria. I heard that he is giving out vast sums of money too via 'transfer' and 'investment of funds'. All he wishes is that you marry him.
It will be a good team. You can be Princess Peace Egoigwhateverstuffyoutypedrand

omly Danw of Nigeria.

Now, I must go, my 22nd wife is calling me. Have to go cut vegetables for the stew tonight.





A few minutes of amusement amongst this infinite mountain of college work. Keeps me sane. Or maybe I have gone insane and that's why I wrote such absurdities. Who can say for sure anyway. All I know is I am veryyy close to developing a personality that the Joker displayed in the last Batman movie. Just get a nice CD(since professors keep asking for submissions on CDs), with a modified edge, making it sharp. Dress up in an outrageously mismatched colored outfit and just go up to the professors and twitch a little and ask them, why so seriousssss?

...
I better put the mental asylum's number on my speed dial.