Exam capers

Going down memory lane again. This time I am reliving my engineering days, specially the last exams I had given. The way I behaved was really uncalled for, and yet, I couldn't help it. I was thoroughly fed up with engineering. Five years of my life, wasted, sitting under the leaky roof of a dull classroom while some professor spews gibberish and expects to be treated like he is the son of god.

The exams, I did have a lot of fun there. But the ones close to me never seem to understand that. To them, it will always be, "you should have taken it more seriously and finished it"
While that may be true, I always thought, what point in having a degree which you are certain you won't use? I made a mistake 5 years ago(well..its more like 7 now) when I joined up for engineering. Of course, there was a plus point... a point so valuable that it almost makes those "5 wasted years" mean something. I met the girl. Towards the very end, I met the girl.

Maybe that was my destiny? Could be. Some higher power(I refuse to use the G word here) might have planned it that way. Probably that's why I stayed a year longer than required. Could also be the reason why I failed :P
Ok ok, I am just trying to pass the blame...I failed on my own accord. It was simple lack of interest. Not as if I couldn't do it...had gotten excellent scores on the subjects I liked. But the ones that I found boring...I just did odd things during the exams.

Ok, enough stalling now...lets get to the memories.
The last few exams I gave in engineering:

Day 1: Medical Imaging.
I can't believe I was the only one in class who failed. So embarrassing. Plus, the more crucial problem, who the hell do I copy from?
Anyway, I just started answering questions.

Q: Define static imaging.

Ans: Static imaging is basically pictures taken from a still camera. You can use a tripod for this one. In contrast, dynamic imaging is when you move your camera while taking the picture. Such pictures are often blurry. Static photos however are quite nice and sharp.
Alternatively, static imaging is also a more refined way of saying "taking pictures of lightning".
Ah, but you are referring to "static imaging" in terms of biomedical engineering then I guess that static imaging is a diagnostic procedure for visualizing an internal organ or body compartment. A radioactive substance is administered to a patient, and an image or set of images is made of the fixed or slowly changing distribution of the radioactivity, basically its any diagnostic image fixed and frozen in time...like Xray images for example. (but I am sure you already knew that...after all, I did)

After answering some more inane questions, I decided that enough is enough. I raised my hand so I can call the invigilator.
He comes up to me and asks, "you want an additional supplement?"
I replied, "No, but I am bored. I have a nice novel in my bag. Can I read it here?"
He looked at me in disbelief.



Day 2: Microprocessors 2
I came prepared today. I was determined to sit longer than 30 minutes. It was a 3 hour paper. I should sit at least for half that much time. Soooo, I brought color pencils.

I was drawing stick figure cartoons during the exam, coloring them. They gave very detailed information. Like, the stick figure on the second row, 3rd table on the right, was clearly copying answers from the girl stick figure in front of him.

After a while I got bored and decided, ok, lets write some answers.

Q: Explain the principles and workings of the 8085 microprocessor.

Ans: The 8085 microprocessor is obsolete. We now have advanced to the Pentium age. You old buffoons stop clinging on to the past. Embrace the new technology. The New P4 core processor makes your puny 8085 appear as slow as a tortoise. Forget the P4, even if you consider the microprocessor on old school consoles like Atari, they are faster than the 8085. Answer me this, can you play pacman using a single 8085 chip? No. Pfft. Then this is useless for me. There is no point reading up on decadent circuits when you have far better and more complex ones in the market. Therefore, this entire question paper serves no purpose except for the old paper setter who is desperately trying to cling on to a circuit which is on the brink of extinction.

And with that I got up and left...60 minutes...sigh. I had tried so hard to stay for at least 90.


Day 3: Math
Ooo boy, this was probably my...7th attempt appearing for this paper. I reveled in the irony of failing Math -3 but clearing Math - 4 on the first attempt.
You would think that the university acknowledges that and clears me of math 3 also. After all, if I passed a higher level math exam, surely a lower level one would be child's play.

And it is. But the problem is, I just don't like solving all those derivation and integration problems. I don't need them. There is never going to be a situation where I am say, held hostage and the only way to escape is by answering what is D/d(x^2 + (x/2000) * 100)...just an example.

I will spare the mathematical examples. You all know, the classic ones like, I cannot answer is this question as it includes the number "4". 4 is a very evil number. It goes against my religion.
Or
Writing in Superman's native language, Kryptonian, and then leaving a note behind, "Superman was here"


Day 4: Signal processing.
My classmate was tensed today...he had given this paper many times, each time failing. He was getting a little frustrated with it. Then he looked up at me, and saw I am pretty calm. So he comes up to me and asks, "you not worried?"
I replied, "nope. Its signal processing. This is going to be fun", and I giggled thinking of the numerous ways I can refer to signal processing, how the males brain processes the signals his eyes send out when they see a female etc.
I guess he misread my calmness and pleaded, "dude, please let me copy from you today."
I told him, "ok sure. No problem."

I selected my first question, and wrote the answer correctly. I always write the first few answers correctly to lull the paper corrector into a false sense of hope. Making them think that this student knows what he is writing...and then I strike. Anyway, I wrote the first answer for around 20 minutes.
My pal did the same. The process repeated for the second answer too.

Then I started drawing a box.
He was confused but he did exactly like I did...probably assumed that I am doing a block diagram.
After a very complex looking cube had been drawn, I started writing stuff down and he copied it word for word.
Five minutes into writing my answer, he glared and repeatedly tapped me on my back.

Friend: "What the hell are you writing?"
Me: "Oh, I am just explaining the basics of a hypercube."
Friend: "What?"
Me: "A hypercube. Its a 4th dimensional cube. Also known as a tesseract. Imagine it this way, a cube has 3 dimensions right...well, a tesseract has an extra dimension. I am going to write a short thesis on this. Its pretty interesting, specially for astro.."
Friend: "What the hell! Why aren't you writing the answers to the questions in the paper?"
Me: "Oh...I don't know anything else."

He just glared at me angrily, and I grinned back naughtily.


Ahh...good times.