Just another night.

Some nights are nice. You come home after a long day of fooling around at work, you have a good dinner, relax a little, watch some tv, and finally doze off.

Other nights are long. Those are the ones where you come home stressed, deadlines coming closer, work keeping you up at night, coke running through your body(for others I guess its caffeine..I prefer my soda). Your brain feels stressed out, like its being held by a lot of pressure, needs place to just grow out(or explode). There is no good dinner on this day. Any "cook in 2 minutes" product will do. No tv either. You eat your dinner as fast as you can and get back to work...pushing your limits, finally going to sleep when you realize you are typing one word after every fifteen minutes...and you don't feel like there is such a long gap until you look at the clock.

Some nights are happy and romantic. You come home, and your love is waiting for you, showing you her beautiful smile as you walk through the door. Makes dinner for you and the two of you just sit in the living room and eat while discussing about each other's day. Giggling and laughing. T.V. is rarely opened, unless there is a good movie coming.
You eat your dinner, clean the plates together, and go to the bedroom, where you kiss your girl passionately, a warm tender kiss, a way of showing your thanks for being there. A cosy hug perhaps to tell her just how much she is loved and appreciated.
If you had an italian dish, or other romantic food items, maybe you can even go a bit further and turn that hug into leaving love bites on her neck. Works best if you don't have to wake up early morning the next day. Or you can just blissfully get into your night clothes(which is..absolutely nothing but the blanket) and cuddle up to sleep.


Yet, there are some nights when you come home, you walk in through the door and thats about it. Dead silence. There is no smile waiting for you, no hot dinner, no hugs, no kisses. You are alone, back in your little room...your little prison cell. Because face it, that's what this is...a small little penthouse style jail cell just for you... a place where you have a bed, a tv, internet facilities, a good bathroom, nice view... and you are there in that place five days a week, with no one else around. Your own little solitary confinement, first class confinement of course, but still..complete isolation. Such nights you switch the TV on, but just for the noise. You check your cellphone every 10 minutes or less, hoping there is a call or a message from your love. Emails are checked more frequently, setting the laptop volume to its maximum so you are absolutely certain you won't miss anything. The night just goes by while you wait and wait and wait... You can't focus on work at all. Your brain is just occupied with the thought that a call will come any minute, or a window will pop up in the laptop with that precious greeting..."hiiiii" . You forget to eat, your stomach whines in protest and you silence it by drinking water and soda, drowning the voice out.
You sit all night wondering when will you get a sign. Checking every couple of minutes... eventually you look out the window of your luxury prison, and you see the sky is turning from black to blue again...daylight. Finally you realize that its just not going to happen. You sadly close the laptop monitor, still don't switch it off hoping that if a message does come, you will at least hear it while you try to sleep.


Some nights are a mix of everything. You have a good day at work, you come home, there is the lovely smile you have been daydreaming about all day. A nice hot dinner waiting for you. And then the two of you talk. Its not mushy talk this time. Oh no no. This time its serious..and not in a good way either.
These are the type of nights when you aren't alone in your little jail, but it sure feels like you are alone. Now you aren't waiting for any message though. The TV isn't turned on...you prefer the silence, it enhances the loneliness. You keep wondering what you did wrong. You begin to think, can there ever be a thing as too much love? You try to shrug the dinner conversation off...you just keep repeating "everyone has doubts in a relationship at some point..its normal". You say the last two words a little louder than the rest, as if you are trying to convince yourself that its true. A little voice in your head reminds you of your work, but at this point you just don't care about anything else. All your thinking capacity is focused on trying to find out what you did wrong. At this point, deadlines can go to hell. For this one night, there are no assignments, there are no professors nagging about your work, and there are no blundering idiots that you had to forcefully group with to do your project. Nothing else matters except trying to make your love..."love" you again.


Some nights you sleep like a baby, eyes closed, curled up under the blanket.
Other nights you lay awake, staring at the ceiling, eyes wet, and you can hear your own voice repeating over and over.."everyone has doubts"

This night...its just another night.